Revelation, confession, repentance, and praise.
Yes, when I am tired I am easily distracted - this imperfection I was aware of, and I am praying and striving for Godly discipline in this area.
What surprised me was what my conversation with the Lord revealed.
It went something like this.
As I struggled to get out of bed this morning, I still smiled and praised God because it is the First Day of the week; a Holy Day for me! My Savior and Lord rose from the grave on this day, defeated death making a way for each of out of death into eternal life. On the first day of the week, the promised Holy Spirit was given, the seal and deposit of God upon being born again, the one who teaches, helps, encourages and produces ever increasing sanctification in us, the one who is always with us and in us! It is the First Day of the week! I celebrate the goodness of God!
As I sat and drank coffee trying break thru the fuzziness of my thoughts and tiredness of my body from this upper respiratory bug, I was distracted by silly things. Once I came to my senses, I started talking to God about what to do about Sunday service.
This conversation revealed something I am now repenting from. It revealed that I am still dealing with "what people think" even when it comes to Sunday (the first day of the week) service. I don't think much about that when I am on my way church. I come to worship God and bring Him sincere praise and to serve and pray for others in honor of Him. But when thinking about and talking to God about what is the loving and wise thing to do, if God doesn't make manifest my healing in the next 30-60 minutes, "fear of man" thoughts kept interrupting the conversation. This disappoints me and saddens my heart. Why are remnants of those idols still there!?! Thoughts like, "what will they think" and "will they still trust me" and "will they be disappointed in me" kept interrupting my conversation with God.
I am thankful that this has been revealed and I am taking them to God with a humble repentant attitude asking Him to redeem this in me as I determine to fix my focus on Him.
There are right and Godly ways we are to consider others. It is right to think about what the most loving kind God honoring thing to do is; to the best of our ability hold each other up and be responsible for our share of the "work" so as not to be an excessive burden on others if we can help it; and to set a God honoring example. But it wasn't these thoughts I was disappointed about, it was the thoughts about concerns over my reputation among my church family and church leadership. My reputation really!?! Do I still care so much about what people think of me that it interrupts my conversation with God?!?
Much of the time I do what I do to honor God. I work hard to keep all other motives out of it (Phil 3) setting before me the prize of Christ. No I am not there yet, but I can tell myself and God honestly that it is my sincere goal.
I am thankful that this has been revealed and I am taking them to God with a humble repentant attitude asking Him to redeem this in me as I determine to fix my focus on Him.
There are right and Godly ways we are to consider others. It is right to think about what the most loving kind God honoring thing to do is; to the best of our ability hold each other up and be responsible for our share of the "work" so as not to be an excessive burden on others if we can help it; and to set a God honoring example. But it wasn't these thoughts I was disappointed about, it was the thoughts about concerns over my reputation among my church family and church leadership. My reputation really!?! Do I still care so much about what people think of me that it interrupts my conversation with God?!?
Much of the time I do what I do to honor God. I work hard to keep all other motives out of it (Phil 3) setting before me the prize of Christ. No I am not there yet, but I can tell myself and God honestly that it is my sincere goal.
I have repented. I have purified my conversation with God and taken captive those thoughts to the obedience of Christ in honor of Him. Using this journal entry as a way of honest confession and repentance.
Now I press on. What honors Him today THAT along with the celebration of all the gifts from God delivered on the first day of the week is my focus!
Praising God for His mercies and grace!!
...
If I stay home and rest, then I must do so in a way that honors Him. I will miss being a part of the corporate first day of the week celebration. I do so love to celebrate His goodness with my loving and wonderful church family.
I will continue to press into His Presence (with intention through study and meditation on His Word and through sanctified prayer - praying all kinds of prayers), and will allow His Holiness, His Love, His Word, to bring further revelation and purify my being.
In the name above all names, Jesus Christ, make it so. Amen
...
If I stay home and rest, then I must do so in a way that honors Him. I will miss being a part of the corporate first day of the week celebration. I do so love to celebrate His goodness with my loving and wonderful church family.
I will continue to press into His Presence (with intention through study and meditation on His Word and through sanctified prayer - praying all kinds of prayers), and will allow His Holiness, His Love, His Word, to bring further revelation and purify my being.
In the name above all names, Jesus Christ, make it so. Amen
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